The end of November is a typically stressful time of year for some of our students. We are almost at the end of Term 1, several deadlines and assessments are compounding now. As parents, it’s easy to fall into habits that sound like nagging instead of the encouragement that is intended when you’re trying to support your child. Rather than telling them what to do, with reminders of how important it is to study, we can try approaching the conversation with compassionate curiosity. Instead of trying to manage their behaviour, we can try asking questions that can empower their autonomy and self-confidence. 

Here are a few conversations starters that could help:

1. Let’s not talk about grades. I’m curious what else is most important for you at school?
   
   We can help them connect what they value to the effort they put into school.
    

2. Has anything about school felt a little bit easier lately?
   
   We can help them focus on the strengths as an anchor to build from. 
    
3. What is something in your control, that you could do, that would feel like an accomplishment this week?
   
   Keep it small. Let’s focus on just one assignment completion, or one conversation with a teacher, or one Harkness discussion contribution. Then celebrate those small successes, as they are the building blocks to larger ones.
    
4. Have you ever noticed when you are able to focus the best? (time of day/after a snack/a certain environment)
   
   Instead of imposing rules about when homework is done, we are working with them to help them get curious about their own brain and build their executive functioning skills. 
    
5. What is the hardest part of getting your schoolwork done?
   
   This can help us identify what strategies might be most supportive, rather than just more time and effort. 
    
6. What helps you get started when you really don’t feel like doing an assignment?
   
   Discovering this helps children to move past doing the work out of compliance, and gives consideration to their unique learning style, building their executive function. 

Using compassionate curiosity, particularly at a time of heightened stress, not only helps build a trusting and supportive relationship, it can also guide your child along a path of self-understanding and self-compassion, as they build their stress tolerance in preparation for adulthood.

Contributed by Ms. Szymzcak, Senior School Counsellor/Outdoor Education Coordinator