People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
I bought some shoes from a drug-dealer the other day. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
When you ask a dad if he's alright: "No, I'm half left!"